Chiang Mai

I am AGAIN unable to upload photos. Sorry.

I am currently in the city of Chiang Mai, which is the oldest city in Thailand with history dating back to 1236. City Center is litterally surrounded by a moat that was put in by a king to protect the city centuries ago. You can see and visit and walk on the very large brick wall that is on the inside of the moat, but there is plenty of city outside the moat as well. It is a sprawling city with not many skyrises but, as I've noticed with all cities in Thailand, there is a great deal of smog. It was so bad the other day that my throat hurt. Tuk Tuks are big polluters.

Tuk Tuks are 3 wheeled vehicles, open with roof, that are basic taxis that zip around the city and know where just about everything is located from the nearest 7-11 to where to go for a good steak. They know everything, just ask them. Speaking of tuk tuks. I had to get one to take me to the Police Station.

I am renting a 125cc motorbike and I am on an outting to go visit a mall, not too far from the city center, so I park outside a 7-11 where I need to get a telephone card and some cash at the ATM. I park on the street with 2 other bikes. I go inside and complete my transactions (BTW a pay-as-you-go cellular phone card costs 300Baht and costs me 7B a minute to call the U.S. which is cheaper than a land line phone card at 10B a minute) and I come back out to see a Motorcycle Cop putting a chain going throught he back tire and around the top of the seat, and padlocking it in place.

As I approach him he tells me "No park, no park." What? I can't park here? There were 2 other bikes parked here when I got here (of course mine is the only one left) and he continues to write the ticket. So I ask okay, how much is the ticket? He says "200 baht" 200??!! Okay, well can I just pay you so I can get my bike back and be on my way? "No no. You go staion, pay ticket." Fuck. Right, okay, where is the station? "Take tuk tuk." and he waves to a tuk tuk driver, who just happens to be waiting about 50 yards away. I'm saying I don't understand, you want me to go with the tuk tuk man, go to the police station, pay the fine and then how do I get the lock off the bike? "You pay fine, I wait for you." You will wait for me? "Yes, yes I wait." Wow. Okay. So I ask the tuk tuk man, how much to the Police Station and he says 60 Baht. I have come to find out that if you are a white guy you pay 60 Baht for any trip in the city center, but if you are a white woman you pay 50 and if you are a local you pay 30.I get into the Tuk Tuk and I see that the Cop has ridden off. Fuckin' great, thanks man. Now, how do I get that bike back?

We get to the station and Tuk Tuk Man sort of shows me how I have to give this guy, who is sitting at a desk with 2 other guys, my ticket and they will call me when it is my turn. So the waiting begins.

Tuk Tuk Man sits and waits with me and the whole time he is telling me that I should hire him for the day for only 400B. He will show me the sights, he knows of a great place to eat. He also knows of a place where you "get massage, and then the boom boom *wink wink*". No dude, thanks for the tip, but I just want to pay my freakin' ticket and get out of here. Plus I already have a motorbike I do not need a tuk tuk. "Motorbike no good. Tuk tuk take you." For 45 minutes I have to listen to this guy try to get me to hire him. But thankfully they call me in.

The first guy looks at my ticket and starts writing stuff down on paper with a carbon sheet between duplicates (there was no computer in this process), and he says "Sign." and points to a spot on this paper, that I cannot read because it is, of course, written in Thai. So I begin to sign as, you do, in cursive style. But he says "No, no write." And I'm like, I AM writing my name, and he says "No, no, write..." and starts writing down A,B,C in block letters. So I "write" my name in block letters. He passes that sheet on to the guy sitting next to him, and so I move one chair down and the first guy calls out another name, and this second guy writes some more stuff down on a longer form and he asks me to sign, so I do, and he says "o.k. 200 Baht." So I fork over 200 Baht. He takes the money and fills out another form and has me sign that one too and he gives it over to the third guy who looks at me, says "OK we call officer and he take off lock." Awww, so that's how I'll get the bike back. He hands me what appears to be some kind of receipt, and I leave with Tuk Tuk Man. Who is still trying to get me to hire him.

We get back to the bike and Tuk Tuk Man says, "Okay I wait 5 minute." So we wait for the cop and we chat some more about boom boom places and how motorbikes are no good, and I pay him his 60 Baht plus 10 for his time. 5 minutes go by he says "Okay, bye bye, bye bye." Am I'm all, you want me out. He just nods vigorously. A couple more mintues go by and here comes the cop.

The cop is all smiles. But as one other traveler put it. "The Thais will smile to your face while they stab you in the back." Copper man asks for my paper, the receipt I'm guessing. He takes it, writes something in his ticket book, and unlocks the bike. Hands me back my paper and I say "Thank you for the 260 Baht lesson sir." He just smiles and nods. Then I ask him where it is okay to park? Not here on the street, but how about here on the sidewalk where these other bikes are parked and he says, pointing to the street, "No here." Points to the sidewalk. "Okay here." Wow, it's okay to park on the sidewalk but not on the street, at least right here on this street. Okay, whatever buddy. It's your city. He puts the lock and chain away and heads off into the smog of the city.

One thing is that for me this is a 270B for this leason in parking, which is only about $7. But I'm positive that I got a ticket only because I'm a Fahlong (their word for a white person) and not a Thai. So they know that I can afford it. The other thing is that no one ever asked to see my passport or my license. Thailand is truly a land of contradictions.